1. Shut down all eight of my email addresses. Even though half of them are for various business purposes, seventy percent of what lies in those Inboxes is SPAM.
2. Go NO MAIL on the nine yahoo groups and forums to which I belong. Who needs friends and a connection to humanity?
3. Get at least ten hours of sleep instead of six hours. I’m of an age to be reversing things so I should be sleeping like I did when I was a 7-year-old.
4. Rip the phone off the wall. Most of the calls I get are the phone company’s version of SPAM, and the auto-caller on the other end of the line hangs up before I pick up the receiver anyway.
5. Ignore the gasp for food, water and/or attention from the 30 various humans and animals in my immediate vicinity. They can scrounge just as easily as I can.
6. Revel in the dust bunny ranch brushing softly against my ankles. They aren’t hurting anyone, they’re breeding nicely without any attention from me, and I don’t have to buy more slippers.
7. Resist the urge to play with my friends on Facebook and Twitter. I can always become one of those recluses locked in a darkened house with all the curtains drawn and generate the neighborhood legend of the crazy lady living in the house on the hill.
8. Locate the nearest palm tree on an empty beach where I can lounge with my laptop. There’s something about the warm breeze in my hair and sand between my toes that makes my muse want to come out to play.
9. Hire a cabana boy to bring me iced cappuccinos and mouthwatering tidbits whenever I lift a finger. Wait! Make that a man with an intense, brooding gaze and a muscular body that inspires the minx in me.
10. Oh, darn. Can’t think of anything better than a cabana man at my beck and call. See? It doesn’t pay to distract my finicky muse!
Of course, you know I’m joking. Maybe I’m joking. Oh, except for number 8 and maybe number 9, and…ahem, all of these items sound inspirational or they wouldn’t have hit my list! They don’t dig much below the surface though, do they?
What truly, deep down in my belly, seduces my muse into coming out to play? It’s those moments when my hero and heroine connect. I may drip, okay, shovel as many suspense elements into my stories as I can, but the bottom line for me is building the chemistry between two people who don’t know they need each other to be happy. I’m a sucker for that spark of romantic magic that happens between a man and a woman. Creating unbalanced psychos to keep my heroes and heroines on their toes is simply a bonus.
Now, where the devil is that sexy man in the swim trunks with my cheese steak and Iced Caramel Macchiato? I need him to adjust the umbrella over my lounge chair before I’m burned to a crisp.