Excerpt

Later that night, I chilled alone by the pool, wearing only basketball shorts. My hands were propped behind my head as I studied the midnight-blue sky. Being outside was my way of unwinding. I’d loved astronomy since I received my first telescope when I was six. I loved whenever I had a moment to admire the universe. If I were ever brave enough to ink my skin, I would definitely have a crescent moon or some representation of the celestial.

Needing this solitude to recharge before our show tomorrow night, I stared up at the stars, the planets, and the large yellow moon, which was presenting tonight as a crescent — my favorite view of it. The moon fascinated me because it was always round, but we saw different versions depending on its orbit or rotation. Like me, I was always Landon, yet people saw a different version depending on my environment and mood.

The first time I recognized the beauty of a clear, dark sky full of sparkles was when I was about seven years old. Growing up in Brooklyn and currently living in Harlem seldom offered me an unobstructed, clear view of the night. Maybe I should have bought some property in the South, or somewhere else where I could enjoy God’s beauty. The gnawing didn’t exist in the presence of greatness.

“I guess you don’t like answering your phone.” A clean-faced, ponytailed Janae, wearing my hoodie and a pair of black leggings, stood behind my lounger and smiled down at me.

“Not when I’m playing music or enjoying the galaxy,” I answered.

She looked up at the sky. “That sounds like how I’m fascinated with butterflies. They seem so mystical. Reminds me that there’s something so much greater than me.”

“Truly beautiful.” I admired her.

Janae smiled as she returned her attention to me.

“You look funny from this angle. Almost alien-like,” I teased.

She giggled. “So do you.”

“How did you get in? It’s just me here. The others are running the streets.”

“I texted Brian, looking for you. He gave me the code.”

“Brian?” I raised a brow. I wasn’t aware they had exchanged numbers. Then again, he’d been less vocal whenever we discussed Janae.

She shrugged. “He might be the only one besides you in the band who doesn’t hate me.”

“Quite possibly.” I gazed at her before admitting, “I’m glad you’re here. I didn’t think I would see you again until New Orleans next month.”

She glanced around the backyard and then back at me. “When I left here this morning, I didn’t think I would ever see you again.”

“Canceling on us?” I asked without any bite.

“I was. I don’t handle rejection and failure well,” she admitted. “I was about to give up on myself and my dreams, which is my prerogative. There’s a reason I don’t have friends. I can get stuck in my head and forget I don’t operate in isolation. But this tour isn’t just about me. This is your showcase, your journey too, and your opportunity to grow your fanbase and for those fans to see how mad talented you are. The pressure of disappointing myself and The Hollow Bones got the best of me, and I wanted to run.”

“What changed?”

She smiled shyly. “I wanted to be the type of woman you would be interested in.”

Our upside-down gazes locked as her words set my heart pounding.

“Come again?” I asked. “You didn’t even know me two nights ago.”

She sighed. “I knew you, Landon. I couldn’t remember your becomes sometimes my memory gets foggy. I’ve been under the influence since I was fourteen and it’s taken its toll on me. Add three years of mostly solitude on top of that. I have to learn how to be among the living again.” She moved to the end of my lounger, tapping my bare foot so she could sit. “After you left your bedroom, I remembered everything that happened last night. I was awful to you, and you never lost your temper or deserted me. Didn’t take advantage of me and even temporarily healed me with that God-awful drink. I scratched you and never once apologized or seemed grateful that you’d saved me from Cash. So, I’m telling you right now, to your face, that I’m sorry, and thank you.”

I touched her back with my foot lightly. “You don’t have to apologize or thank me.”

“I do.” She smiled sadly before staring out at the pool. “For three years, I’ve been afraid to step back on that stage, scared to be booed. Scared that I would ruin my performance. Scared that my talent was a fluke. Scared I would never feel what I felt again last night. I went from a superstar who owned the charts to the pariah of pop music. I know everything that happened was my fault. I messed with the wrong man and destroyed my career and my relationship because I didn’t know how to handle fame… my greatness.”

I quietly watched her confessing her flaws and mistakes without airs or attitude. She wanted to be honest with me, and I instinctively knew this wasn’t easy for her.

“During the rehearsal, you were the only one who encouraged me and stood up for me. You defended me, though I’d already given you reasons not to. Then you did it again at the restaurant, even after I relapsed. You didn’t just discard me or believe I wasn’t worthy of being saved or cared for.” Her eyes sparkled like the stars above. “I want this so bad. I want the career I should’ve had if I hadn’t allowed my insecurities to run amok.” Janae straightened her shoulders and met my eyes. “I want to perform the right way. Without alcohol or drugs.”

“Have you ever performed sober?”

“When I was a kid.” She looked down at the ground.

“Then be that little kid every time you perform.” I tapped her back with my foot again. “Find that innocent girl who only knew her talent.”

“Don’t think I’ve ever been innocent.” She squeezed my foot, and I tucked it under my leg. Her head jerked back. “Are you so upset that I can’t touch you?”

“Don’t really like people touching my feet.” I averted my gaze to the pool. “I’m sensitive.”

“I wasn’t going to tickle you, but say less. I don’t want to touch your crusty feet anyway.”

She believed I was embarrassed by my feet instead of realizing the truth, that I wasn’t comfortable being touched. Period.

About Author TIYE…